Before reading, please know that a satire is a work of literature that uses humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices. However, I might not be exaggerating the views of the pro-choice sect to whom I am giving a voice as well as satirizing. This is a fictional story with a narrator who is not me. Read to the end to fully understand what my position is.
Here’s a startling tour of the mind of a pro-choice advocate…
I am self-empowered. I am independent. I am vivacious. What I am is the whetstone upon which all oppressive patriarchal tradition is polished away by the grinding screech of my unashamed free speech. I am the torchbearer of Margaret Sanger and Betty Friedan, the only saints I’ll ever need to pray to. A Libertarian I am and my life of choice is a right that will not be repressed. Sorry, not sorry, I will not have my sexuality be determined by archaic conservatives. Like any responsible Libertarian, I am pro-choice, not pro-abortion as the fundamentalists claim. My call is to all men and women of liberty to defend our right to the healthcare that Planned Parenthood provides. Thank you, Bernie Sanders, for standing up for Planned Parenthood. You said it best, “The attempt by Republicans to cut off support for Planned Parenthood is an attack on women’s health. At a time when 35 million Americans lack health insurance, Planned Parenthood clinics all over the country provide the care too many women cannot access elsewhere.” I call everyone to prevent this social injustice by marching in support of our Pink Out.
What the wacko Evangelicals don’t understand is that we shouldn’t be afraid of sex. It’s free and there’s no consequences. Why wait until marriage? I can’t be put into a box like that. For too long, the campaign of misinformation has shamed women into regretting their abortions. That stops now. For those who don’t have their heads stuck in their Bibles, abortion has been safe, legal, and justified since 1973! Science and medicine have allowed millions of would-be mothers to put off the responsibility until they’re ready. It’s prevented them from being tied down by the burden of the emotional investment, financial burden, and draining commitment that comes with being a parent. Abortion is not murder! It’s a fetus and not a baby, don’t you know? Planned Parenthood should not be penalized for contributing someone else’s unwanted glob of cells to groundbreaking scientific research. This is a clear encroachment on our civil liberties. Abortion is simply a receipt that a woman can use to redeem her life from an unfortunate mistake. At least the fetus can be recycled for the good of science.
I do not regret my abortion. I had a lifestyle to maintain, and I wasn’t ready to be a parent either financially or socially. I wanted to have some fun before I had to settle down. In fact, I advised my best friend to get an abortion. I knew she wasn’t ready and who knows how long the father would have stuck around? Aborting the pregnancy started her off on a clean slate. My heart breaks every time the anti-abortion extremists champion another woman who suffered from rape but actually kept the baby. Women victims shouldn’t have to live everyday with a flesh-and-blood reminder of their shame. Babies like that should never see the light of day, or else the mothers will live their lives in even more trauma. That’s why I’m thankful my life of choice allows me to bury the past. That way, the baby never has a voice. A women knows what’s best for herself, and it’s better to end the life before they are born into a hopeless existence. Abortion has saved many a child from growing up in Section 8 housing and crippling a mother who already has more children than she can support. And don’t talk to me about putting them into orphanages like the pro-life fundamentalists do! The statistics show that they’ll live broken lives anyway. The only place that orphanages lead to is a federal penitentiary or a crack house.
I propose that Planned Parenthood expand their healthcare options. We should euthanize the sick and elderly in order to have more organ donors so that waiting list could be shortened for those who need a transplant! We also should extend abortions to the post-birth benchmark of 1 year old. My son requires too many diapers and too much baby formula, and I don’t know if I can keep up with the bills I need to pay. I’m not a monster! We do abortions in the womb anyway because of financial restraints, so what’s so bad about having an interim period where a woman can practice being a parent? Plus, if she doesn’t like it, then she can take her infant to a Planned Parenthood clinic and donate it to science. The infant would only be one year old, so that’s close enough to the current 21 weeks mark! Didn’t you all know that Margaret Sanger was a proponent of eugenics? If our visionary had beliefs like that, then you all shouldn’t be so squeamish at mine!
Planned Parenthood does such great work. I’m glad that they are so generous to those who cannot afford the healthcare. With morals like those, Planned Parenthood is contributing to the tolerance, harmony, and liberal re-education of society. It won’t be long before we break the shackles of tradition and tradition. I can almost taste it! Our evolution is leading us to a higher consciousness of liberty with our own selves and community. I’m thankful for the tolerant and civilized society that I’m a citizen of. Imagine if we were ruled by those Islamic State savages! They have no regard for human life, slaughtering all those innocent men, women, and children. Are they from the stone age? Think of how many Martin Luther Kings, Gandhis, and Einsteins were lost to those massacres!
Nearly 53 million legal abortions have been sacrificed since 1973 in the name of free choice. Freedom really isn’t free, is it? The world vowed to never allow another Holocaust to pass over again. Now, instead of snuggles and lullabies, innocent blood vies for a voice with its drugged and shredded cries. We have traded the ovens of the concentration camps for the cold, sterile halls of abortion clinics. How long will we stand by our lampposts of lust and lies of cheap liberty? We denounce murderous gangs in the hood, but not for a second will we raise our voices about all the possible Martin Luther Kings that were sliced to pieces like paper dolls in the womb or executed by feticidal drugs. Our hands are caked with innocent blood as we read Proverbs 6:16-19. God forgive us for our legalized Holocaust of Healthcare. The title “Pink Out” was a reference to September 29th, 2015, when thousands stood with Planned Parenthood. What they didn’t know or even care was that they were standing with Satan too. Did this story anger you? Good, because abortion does the same for me because it’s wrong, and a fictional satire was a way for me to give a voice to the pro-choice sect so that they could choke on their own words.
Kevin Cochrane is an eighteen year old writer and blogger with the distinct purpose of radically restoring everyone with ears to hear to the original testimony of Jesus Christ. His mission is to live by the words he writes and develop his character along with the prose he pens. For updates on his latest blog posts, you can follow him on Twitter @RunFree_KC or click the follow button at the bottom of the page to receive notifications by email.